When They Turn 18

     Augie, Strawbabies, Rice P P's, Glaskez, E-luh-luh, Tonk Engine, G'Mama, the Big Angels and the Little Angels, J'wans, The Red, Asheetah, Chocolates fundraiser, Dale Earnhardt, Thunderhill Raceway, Pontius Pilate, Thumb tack in chair, bottle bombs and Iggy Smudge.
     My baby turns 18 today. It's hard to believe. Time went way too fast. Yesterday I was walking him into his kindergarten class and a couple of days ago I watched him get his high school diploma. I didn't cry. I started to, but I had a cowbell so I just rang it harder and my sister Michelle turned on her hand held light show and it made us laugh. Whew! It was a close one though. If I would have started crying, I would have never stopped.
     So every time I felt the water works coming on I would yell someones name. GO Todd! Ring the cowbell. GO Megan! Ring the cowbell. YOU ROCK Indy! Ring the cowbell. I've already been deemed a 16 year old trapped in an old body by my son. "Indy your mom is cool," he says his friends say. So the other parents weren't surprised at my sudden outbursts of names and noise. My kid learned long ago, just go with it and it will be fun and not embarrassing.
     All kids have names for their things and their own stories. They are precious and priceless, especially when they're learning to talk. These are a few of my son, Indy's from baby to now.   
     Augie is Indy's stuffed lamb that was given to him when he was three months old. He carried him everywhere for years. He gave it that name. We have no idea where he came up with it. There's not a whole lot left of Augie now, but he still exists.
     More of Indy's words and stories:
     Strawbabies - what Indy called strawberries
     Rice P P's - Rice Crispies
     Glaskez - how Indy pronounced the word glasses
     E-luh-luh - the number 11
     Tonk Engine - Thomas the Tank Engine (Indy decided that saying all that just took too much time so he condensed it.).
     G'Mama - what he called my mother
     The Red - what Indy called blood when he would cut himself.  "Mom, the red's coming out. Will you fix it?" 
     Asheetah - the name of one of Indy's stuffed animals. He named one of our cats that name too. Have no idea where he got it.
     J'wans - the scary wild boar-looking creatures that came in through the electrical sockets. They had red glowing eyes.
     The Big Angels and the Little Angels - When Indy had learned to talk pretty well, around age three, he told me this story: "When it rains hard, the big angels throw down the water," gesturing with his hands throwing something down hard. "When it rains soft the little angels throw down the water," gesturing with his hands throwing something lightly.
     The Chocolates Fundraiser - There once was a third grade fundraiser...Indy didn't do fundraisers well, bless his little heart. So I did the majority of them. This particular one was wrapping paper, chocolates, nuts, confectioner's candies, etc. Indy thought it was all wrapping paper though. I gave Indy the money and order form to turn in to his teacher. In a couple of weeks the orders came in and Indy's teacher handed out the boxes to the kids to take home and distribute. Curious, Indy looked in his box. On top was a box of chocolates. Indy thought it was a reward for selling stuff so he and one of his little friends ate almost the entire box. He brought the big box home and I opened it up. I got out the order form to put the orders together. I grabbed the first box of chocolates and noticed it was almost empty.
"Indy! Come here.What happened to this box of chocolates? Do you know?"
"I ate them." 
"You ate them? This was part of someones order."
"I thought it was a reward for selling stuff!"
"You ate the fundraiser."
"I hate fundraisers!" he stormed off to his room
Luckily, I had bought a box of the same chocolates and so there was another box to fill the order.
     Dale Earnhardt - was Indy's favorite NASCAR driver. When Indy was seven, we bought tickets to the then Winston Cup NASCAR race at Texas Motor Speedway. Indy was very excited about getting to see Earnhardt race live. Unfortunately, Earnhardt was killed in a crash a month before our race and Indy never got to see him race. He still got to experience a NASCAR race and take a picture next to his second favorite driver Jeff Gordon's car. Indy became a huge Jeff Gordon fan after that.
     Thunder Hill Raceway - The local stock car race track where Indy and I spent many Saturday nights at the races.
     Pontius Pilate - Of course we know who that is. But during one of our prayers at church, Indy makes fun of the way I say it because he says I say it with a heavy southern accent.
     Thumb Tack In Chair - Ring Ring! "Ms. Guest?"
"Yes."
"This is the assistant principal at the Jr. High. I have Indy in the office. He put a thumb tack in a boy's chair and the boy sat on it."
"What?" What happened? Say that again!"
He repeats what he said.
"Indy? Indy did that? Are you sure it was Indy? He's never been in trouble in his life! Are you sure it was Indy? Indy? Really? For sure? For real? Indy?"
"I'm speechless. This is totally out of character for Indy."
There just has to be something more to this, I thought.
Sure enough, the kid did it on a dare. The trouble instigator, I've now dubbed Thumb Tack Kid and/or Mr. $30, dared Indy to do it for $30. And no. He never gave Indy the $30. Not that he wanted to, but Indy was not allowed to hang out around that kid again.
     Bottle Bombs! -  Fast forward three or four years to high school. Indy's dad (we're divorced) has to go out of town to cover Hurricane Ike. It was his weekend to have Indy. He thinks it's ok for Indy to stay by himself the entire weekend at his house while he's gone. After all, his girlfriend is only a few doors down and she will be there if Indy needs anything. I think this is a really bad idea. I don't think he's old enough and I was worried about him eating right. I just didn't like this idea at all. But the two of them were all gung-ho about it so I went along with it, reluctantly.
The weekend went off without a hitch. Then Indy came home from his dad's a few hours early. He walks in the door and before he even had the door closed he said, "I made a bomb and the cops came."
"Funny. Have you had dinner?"
"No, really Mom. I made a bomb and the cops came."
"Uh huh. Have you eaten?"
"Mom! Really. I made a bomb and the cops came."
"What? You did what?"
"I made a bottle bomb."
"What is a bottle bomb?
"It's a plastic soda bottle. You put tin foil in it and toilet bowl cleaner and then it blows up."
"What on earth possessed you to do that? That doesn't sound like you at all, Indy! What the hell!"
"I saw it on the Internet and thought I would try it. It was really loud and the neighbors called the cops."
"O dear God! It's a wonder they didn't arrest you for terrorism!"
I few moments went by and I was thinking, boy will be boys. I'll bet that was pretty cool though, watching the chemical reaction and then the explosion. A science experiment in the back yard.
"I did it twice."
"You made two of them? "
"Yeah."
"What did the cops do?"
"They talked to me and told me it was really dangerous. Someone could have gotten hurt. And don't do it again."
"Yes, Indy, it is dangerous. It's also a 'boys will be boys' thing to me too. So, I'm not going to punish you for this. But what if something would have gone wrong and you got hurt. With no one around you could have laid there for hours. Please don't do that again, especially by yourself.
And that's when guilt overwhelmed the boy.
"I wasn't alone."
"What? Who else was there?"
He mumbled someones name under his breath.
"Who?"
He mumbled an indiscernible name again.
"Who Indy?"
"Thumb Tack Kid," he blurted out.
"O My God! I knew it. I knew this was not something you would do on your own. I don't know what possessed you to hook up with that kid after all this time? But the two times you have gotten in trouble in your life has been with that kid. Making the bomb I could overlook. But hooking up with that kid again...YOU'RE GROUNDED!"
     Iggy Smudge - Michelle has nicknamed Indy, Iggy.  At graduation he was wearing his senior shirt that they all signed. Michelle asked him if his name was on there and he replied pointing, "Yeah, it's that smudge right there." Michelle promptly said Iggy Smudge! And thus, Iggy Smudge was born.
     A new era begins now as Indy gets ready to enter college. It is bittersweet. I'm very happy Indy has graduated but there are many things I will miss about the school years. And I will miss some of Indy's friends as well, who are going off to the military. 
     A mother's kiss never leaves her son's cheek.  
     IGGY SMUDGE FOREVER!

So Much For Rapture Day

     Because my birthday was the same day as "Rapture Day," I feel compelled to comment on it. Harold Camping, the preacher who predicted rapture day, is in seclusion. Ya think?! I would imagine some of his benefactors are going to want some of that $7 million back.
     How can a Christian man, who supposedly lives by the gospel, believe he can predict the end of the world? It clearly says in the bible that no one will know when the end comes. So what compels a man to such arrogance? And what compels people to believe him?
     Revelations, interpreted as a prediction of our future, is a relatively new idea, conceptualized by two Catholic writers in the 18th century. Their interpretation was rejected by the Vatican but gained a cult following. This cult views Earth changes as divine and "signs" of the second coming of Christ. I have grown up listening to different religious groups attempting to predict the end of the world on dates that have come and gone with nary a whimper. You would think someone would have gotten a clue, but they still continue to predict the end.
     My long-time neighbor of 47 years died on my birthday/rapture day. Brother Young was a Baptist preacher. He performed marriages for some members of my family and buried all of them, even though no one in my family was Baptist. He was still a friend and knew everyone in my family.
     Back in the 70s he was diagnosed with cancer. I had a dream that he was cured and when I saw him I told him about it. He laughed and said, "God willing." Sure enough, Brother Young's cancer went into remission for the next 35+ years. His cancer returned at the age of 95 and ultimately claimed his life. I guess you could say he was raptured away.
     I wish this futurists "end of the world" cult would focus as much energy on the living, breathing ball we exist on instead of putting all of their energy into waiting for the end. So much more could be accomplished on this planet if people weren't "waiting" for the end. Seriously. How much do you get accomplished when you're waiting on something? So to the "end" cult I say, stop waiting! You're wasting your life away. We all die eventually so make sure you are spiritually prepped and live each day like it was your last.   
    

Bake Sales Are Illegal In Texas?

     How many of you have baked an item for your son's band fundraiser? Or your church's cake walk? Did you know that it's illegal to do that in Texas? No kidding. http://www.texascottagefoodlaw.com/TexasFoodEstablishmentRules.htm
     Now, obviously this is not a law that is enforced by local law officers, or all of those tents that sell food at the high school football games would have been shut down. And it wouldn't surprise me if they didn't even know about the law in the first place. Most of us have grown up with bake sales and cake walks. Why would anyone think that's illegal?
      I would imagine that somewhere out there in Really Small Town Redneck, Texas there is a Billy Bad Ass who gets a perverse joy out of shutting down bake sales in his community. But I would be willing to bet that the majority of towns and cities in Texas don't even know this law exists. But it does. And at any given time law enforcement could pull the plug on the annual church bake sale and there's nothing you can do about it unless the law is changed.
     So, if you often bake for these sales or purchase items from these sales, I urge you to email your representative in favor of passing HB 1139 The Texas Cottage Food Production Act, aka the "Texas Baker's Bill." and HB 2084 . The supporters of the Texas Baker's Bill also back a bill "with provisions," Cottage Food Production, HB 2084, filed by State Representative Lois Kolkhorst. Those provisions revise food handling safety and income caps.
     To find out who to contact in your area, click on this link: http://www.fyi.legis.state.tx.us/ 

   

HB208: Discrimination Against The Kentucky Poor

There is a rumor going around that Kentucky has now passed a law requiring adult welfare recipients to take a drug test. It really irritated me when I heard about it, but as it turns out, it is only a proposed law, HB208. An article on HB208 and the lawmaker that proposed it, Rep. Lonnie Napier (R-Lancaster), can be found at: http://www.kentucky.com/2011/01/17/1600950/kentucky-lawmaker-wants-random.html

This is not the first time I have written about the topic of welfare. Today’s welfare system is not the same as the welfare program of 40+ years past. And the Food Stamp program of the 1970s is very different from today's. Restrictions are much tighter making it much harder to scam the system. The majority of poor people receiving welfare today are families with both parents, and typically both parents work. Single parents are the second largest group of recipients.

In Kentucky, a qualified family may receive an average of $226.67 per month, $2720 a year, from Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC). AFDC is the only government welfare program that gives cash payments. According to national statistics, only four in ten people in poverty receive cash welfare payments. This does not bring families out of poverty. Poor Kentucky families have incomes, on average, of $5,200 below the poverty threshold. Kentucky Welfare Statistics

So, besides the statistics that show how stupid this law is, here's another scenario of the flaw in that law:

Harry can be a worthless drunk who finds ways to get out of working full-time and THAT law won't prevent him from getting welfare.

Jerry, over the weekend, can do a bunch of speed and rip off people, but it will be out of his system by the time he has to take a drug test.

Tommy's a good guy. He and his wife work hard all day at mediocre jobs to support their family, and then Tommy likes to smoke a joint after work because it makes his back feel better. He doesn't drink alcohol or do other drugs, but Tommy is out of a job when he has to drug test. By the way, marijuana has become legal for medicinal purposes on a state level in several states, including Washington, D.C.

Single mother Sue, works all day to support her three kids and when she goes to bed at night she takes something the doctor gave her to sleep. She'll flunk the test, but once she submits her prescription and talks to her employer, she'll probably get to keep her job as long as she doesn't smoke pot too.

And then there's Johnny junkie. This law WILL prevent Johnny from getting any benefits which might force him into rehab. That's good though I guess. But how many heroin junkies do you know? I can promise you that there are far MORE alcoholics and meth heads out there than junkies.

This law is knee-jerk, redneck and flat out ignorant. The majority of families receiving food stamps, for instance, are married working families, with single working parents coming in second. Neither make enough money to support their families. Many of the single parents aren't getting any child support either. You can't get food stamps if you don't work .

Those people probably don't have anything to worry about when it comes to passing a drug test, unless they smoke pot or have severe allergies and take antihistamines. Some antihistamines show false positives. Oh, did I forget to mention the test isn't foolproof. Good luck defending your innocence.

Drug tests are expensive and as a taxpayer I don't want my tax dollars wasted on this type of test that doesn't affect the people I want it to. I want Harry the drunk off the couch and Jerry the meth head who ripped me off in jail.

I think psychological and character testing would be far more effective if you’re looking for a quality employee, than some outdated, ineffective method like drug testing. As far as cleaning up the druggies, if this lawmaker thinks that all the druggies are on welfare, then he is beyond ignorant and should not be re-elected when his time is up.

People have this image of welfare recipients as being a bunch of non-working drug addicts and it's just not true. These are the people that serve you at your favorite restaurant or fast food joint or clean your house. Granted, you have the scammers, but it’s getting harder and harder to scam the system with all of the requirements in place. Do the research. You have to work to get on welfare, and account for everything.

I can think of half a dozen working drunks on welfare right now that a drug test wouldn't affect. I’ve taken my fair share of drug tests, and passed, at jobs where it didn’t get rid of the abusive jerk I had for a boss or the guy with a mouthful of mints wearing a bottle of cologne trying to disguise the smell of alcohol who kept hitting on me.

This law is demeaning and demoralizing to an already demeaning and demoralizing situation for these people. Most of these people would rather not be on any kind of assistance. Yet, there are those who feel compelled to punish them. Personally, I don’t mind my tax dollars helping the people that really need it.

We need to re-think the entire concept of drug testing for employment and welfare. Just think about it.